We all know how prevalent the internet has become over the last several decades, and even last several years. My belief is that it is the most influential tool ever created by humans. However, like any powerful tool, it can be used for great good or bad. We have access to more knowledge and information than any group of people in the history of the world. A great deal of information, once solely available in one or two of the great libraries or universities, can now be found and perused with mere keystrokes from almost anywhere on the Earth. Most would argue that this is a good thing, and I agree. More access to knowledge is almost always a good thing, and I use the data-finding capabilities of the internet almost constantly. Communication has been revolutionized as well, and we can now talk to friends and family thousands of miles away without giving it a second thought. This in itself is not an inherently bad thing. Personal connections are no longer so easily torn apart by the forces of distance and time. I can easily communicate with my old friends attending different schools and living thousands of miles apart, at essentially no cost, where mere decades ago we would have been forced (like writing is a bad thing!) to write letters or pay for expensive long-distance telephone calls.

It may sound like I am writing an ode to the greatness of modern technology and the internet, and on the surface, I do really like what the internet has done - to a point. My feeling, especially in the last several years, is that the internet has slowly but surely robbed us of something I consider to be more valuable than mass amounts of data and information - genuine connections with other people. Now, of course these have not disappeared entirely and probably never will (short of our entry into the metaverse or a similar dystopian hellscape), but I have come to the belief that human relationships forged during the internet age are increasingly shallow and exist to "keep up appearances". Unfortunately, this is largely based on anecdotal evidence, and the reader is free to challenge these. (I welcome any comments, criticisms, etc. Please send me an email if you would like to have a conversation!) However, I believe that the average person, especially of my age group (Gen Z), will be able to see the following occurrences in everyday life with a simple trip to any place where people gather, such as a store, college campus, or public meeting. Once you become aware of them, it is very difficult not to notice.

Real Experiences, on the other hand, can be completely life changing, or at least have a chance of making an impact. A high school English teacher of mine took a year-long sabbatical and toured the entire country in his home-built camper van. I was fortunate enough to be in his class right after he returned, and it was obvious that the experience had made a big impact on him. He was able to see the nation firsthand rather than through the curated lens of a book, video, or photos. He met many new people and experienced things that have only been experienced artificially (ie through a screen) by most people. Now, of course I am not saying that you should put your life on pause and go on a yearlong road trip, because that's just plain unrealistic for most people. "Real Experience" does not have to be a major event. It can be as simple as reading a quality book and taking lessons or examples to apply to your own life. Non-fiction narrative works and autobiographies suit this purpose well, but lessons can be gleaned from basically any well-written book, even if that lesson is "how to tell a fictional story effectively." This is a simple, no-risk change that can be introduced to your life with little change in your daily routine. Shut down the computer, turn off the phone (or put it in another room), and read a book for that time you would normally spend online. If you need a suggestion, feel free to check out my reading list page, or head down to your local library. Another good activity is to find a local point of interest, such as a historic site, hiking trail, museum, etc. and check it out. Again, low risk, low cost, and easy to do. Even if it sucks, what did you lose? A couple hours that you would have wasted on reddit anyway? By doing these things, you will expand your knowledge of the place where you live, and perhaps even find a new interest that could aid your social life, health, or knowledge base. Don't just keep putting it off over and over, go do it this weekend! If all you have planned is to browse social media, watch YouTube, and spend all evening on X-rated sites, then you have literally nothing to lose. I can almost guarantee that you will not remember the kind of-funny meme, short video, or reddit post you saw on Saturday afternoon by this time next week. If you go on a hike, a bike ride to a new place, or visit somewhere cool, you will be much more likely to remember it. As an added bonus, the next time you talk with a co-worker or friend, you will have something to say you did this weekend. I often run into situations where small talk is difficult because my life is generally quite boring. I am writing this largely as a motivator to get me doing things other than browsing the internet and wasting my life. I have spoken to several others who find themselves in a similar position and would also like to change, and hopefully people who need to see this do. Your life will become less boring and you will become a more interesting person if you have some real experiences that you can actually remember and base future experiences on. It is all about building layers. By getting off the computer and doing something else, you are laying a foundation for further growth and construction of an interesting, fulfilling life.

I don't want to create the misconception that I'm laying out a cure for social anxiety here. Advice such as "just get off the internet and go out" is frequently trotted out as a cure for people with long standing social anxiety and similar issues by people who have little knowledge of what being in that situation is like. It's well-meaning but rather useless. As a person who has struggled with socializing and feeling like I belong for as long as I can remember, I know that everyone has a unique social anxiety situation, and issues are often much more deep-seated than just "spending too much time online". This is a common mechanism for people to deal with social problems, as it reduces their risk of their fears being realized. This is perfectly understandable and can actually provide a semblance of a social life through forums, discords, etc. Unfortunately, such experiences are often rather superficial and "artificial", and often do not last as long as real-world friendships. If this continues long enough, the internet can become the "world" and can cause social skills to regress even more. My suggestions in the above paragraphs could be used in tandem with an established method of treating social anxiety such as exposure or talk therapy, but used alone is is unlikely to provide you with an "instant social life". It is more designed for people who feel that they are "boring" and spend too much time online, and want to begin a process of change there. The first step in this process is to replace your artificial experiences with real ones that provide opportunities to help your social life and give you more interests that can help you get offline.

-A.P. July 2022